#18 China Cat (The Baby is Home)

Louise Mary Badd checked out of life. Maybe, it was the roller-coaster, the popcorn incident, the home birth, the hospital crying, or she didn’t like being alone; maybe it was just a crib-death, but she died. China always figured the baby knew he didn’t want her. China hated him for that. He made her adhere to the routine as soon as they got home. She cooked supper, sat with him while he ate, fed the baby, and cleaned up; she barely arrived with his popcorn in time. She fed the baby, then put the baby back in her room. That was the last time she saw her alive. Louise had cried for about an hour while she was cleaning, then struck up again when she brought him his popcorn. The baby let out a whimper. He grabbed her wrist, and made her stay when she tried to get up to tend to it. He would honour the six-week abstinence thing, as she was bleeding anyway, but damn it all, she would at least watch tv with him. The baby was silent for the rest of the night, but something niggled at her. Her chest ached. How she longed to hold the baby.

As soon as he fell asleep, even though the baby was silent, China got out of bed to pick the baby up. Dan made her keep him company while poor Louise was lonely in the other room. Her and the baby would leave him the next day, then she would free to care for the baby how she wanted, she thought about it while she walked, barefoot on the cold, hard tile, in the dark, or in the next week anyway. It was going to be difficult. She thought about all the things she would be taking from the baby. It was her birthright. Where would she get the money to feed and clothe Louise. She wouldn’t thank her once she grew up. She would have all day to tend to her, and she would introduce her to the garden, and all it’s gifts. Like China, she would adapt. She would thank her for staying. She arrived at the room, stood in the doorway, and stared at the moonlit mound in the crib. She smiled, and crossed the room to pick her up, then was stunned to find her a cold, firm lump. She hurriedly picked her up, and held her to her chest.

Dan found China, in the morning, in the baby’s room, trying to rock the baby back to life. She was talking to herself. He took it from her. He could tell from the way it felt, and by what she said, that it was dead. He would have to deal with it. He left her there, alone in the rocking chair. She rocked while he took the baby to the hospital. When they wouldn’t accept it, he followed their instructions, and went to the funeral home. He had the baby burnt and put in a small plot marked with tin cross, and her name, Louise Mary Badd. He called in sick, and waited. It was the cheapest package he could get, but at least he got a death certificate. He gave it to her when he got home, and gave her the day off, then they would pack up the room.

China was going to leave Dan, and she wasn’t going to dye her hair anymore either. She was really angry. He treated Louise like she was a goldfish to be flushed down the toilet. He never wanted the baby anyway. She walked out with only her clothes, the Bonsai plants, her papers, the money she stole, and her drugs. She marched down the busy street, balancing the bonsai, as the traffic whizzed past her. She had lost her status as an Indian when she became a Ward of CAS but she would have when she married a white man anyway. In Canada, that’s how it was. She would divorce him, but that wouldn’t get her status back, only away from him. The vehicles zooming past her created a wind that blew her dress between her legs; some honked at her. It was chaos. She had her papers, money, and pills stuffed in a plastic bag with her clothes. As she trudged down the road she slung the bag over her shoulder, and followed the signs back to Canada. Even though she had no papers to prove it, she clearly looked like an Indian, so they let her cross the border. They were used to that.